ALL THE RIGHT STUFF

 “Stuff” in all of its various shapes, forms and currency will not make you happy!  The endless pursuit of “stuff” will never bring you the peace you deserve, for that; you must dig deep and learn that the greatest love of all starts within!

True happiness for me came with inner peace, faith and the love of others.  Having experienced some hard lessons on this subject, I now realize that no car, house, trinket or fabulous vacation will give you peace or self-respect. 

Here is something I tried and it worked.  Focus on the needs of others!  Give a gift of your time and of yourself  to someone or a cause that really needs it. Time, for the most part, does not cost anything and the reward you will receive is priceless!

Make it HAPPEN! No Excuses and Taking Responsibility

Often in life we are quick to make excuses and lay the blame on others as to why we do not follow through or reach where we desire to be.  We have all been at this dreaded place and it is no where that we really want to be. Stop making excuses today and take responsibility for YOU.

 If it’s your idea you make it happen. You should nurture it, you should fund it, you should make it happen and find your very own personal way to succeed.  It is important to keep self-focus that your success depends on you  and should not burden others . You will hit bumps in the road and detours — remember that this is OK. Some times really bad things happen to good people yet they still have to overcome.  

 Your challenges, even the most difficult, are still yours to overcome. It is your life, and you are the one that has to live it.  No one should inherit your issues, simply by having a relationship with you.  Your life, for better or worse, is still your life and not someone else’s issue.  Instead of inundating those who love and support you with your personal burdens, take care of yourself first, and then cherish those who love you in a healthy way!

Bruce Lee’s Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape

Bruce Lee’s Top 7 Fundamentals for Getting Your Life in Shape

by Henrik Edberg. http://bit.ly/7Dkw5s

If you haven’t been living under a rock for the last 30 years I’m pretty sure you know who Bruce Lee was.

 If you have, then you may be interested to know that Lee was a very famous martial artist and actor who sparked the first big interest of Chinese martial arts in the West in the 60’s and 70’s.

 But besides being an awesome fighter and iconic figure Lee also had some very useful things to say about life.

 Here are 7 of my favourite fundamentals from Bruce Lee.

 1. What are you really thinking about today?

 “As you think, so shall you become.”

 Perhaps the most basic statement of how we work. Think about what you are thinking today. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and your image of yourself?

 It’s easy to forget about this simple statement in everyday life. It’s easy to be quite incongruent with what you think on an ordinary day compared to how you view yourself and your goals. A simple external reminder such as a post-it with this quote can be helpful to keep you and your thoughts on the right track. An brilliant and beautiful expansion on this thought can be found in James Allen’s As a man thinketh (that can be downloaded for free here).

 2. Simplify.

 “It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.”

 “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

 If you want to improve your life then it’s tempting to want to add more. One problem with this may be that you don’t really have the time or energy to do more though. And so your efforts to improve become short-lived.

 Adding more and more just creates more stress and anxiety. Removing clutter and activities, tasks and thoughts that are not so important frees up time and energy for you to do more of what you really want to do. And as the clutter in your outer world decreases the clutter in your inner world also has a tendency to decrease. This has the added benefit of making it easier to actually enjoy whatever you are doing even more while you are doing it.

 Adding more thoughts and thinking things over for the 111:th time may create a sense of security. It’s also a good way to procrastinate and to avoid taking that leap you know you should take. And the more you think, the harder it gets to act. Perhaps because you want to keep that comforting sense of security and avoid the risk of wrecking that feeling.

 Thinking has its place. It can help you plan a somewhat realistic route to your goal and help you avoid future pitfalls. Overthinking is however just a habit that will help you waste a lot of time. It’s more useful to replace that habit with the habit of just doing it.

 3. Learn about yourself in interactions.

 “To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”

 The one person that is the hardest to get to really know may be yourself. Studying yourself while you are alone may result in some insights. But it’s also likely to produce a lot of made up thought loops and doubts in your mind. A good way to really learn more about yourself is study yourself in interactions with other people. How people react and act in these interaction can over time teach you a lot. And what you think and how you react can perhaps teach you even more.

 What you see, feel and hear in other people may be a reflection of you. The things you learn by thinking this way may not always be pleasant, but they can be enlightening. They help you to see yourself and also how you may be fooling yourself. And these powerful insights can be very valuable for your personal growth. So, in interactions with others, try asking yourself: what is reflected?

 4. Do not divide.

“Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

 This is a very useful and powerful thought. It is also one that obviously is hard to live by. Why? I believe it’s because the ego loves to divide and find ways to “add more” to itself. It want’s to feel better than someone else. Or more clever. Or prettier. Or cooler. Or wiser.

 How can you overcome this way of thinking and feeling?

 To me it seems to boil down to not identifying so much with your thoughts or feelings. That doesn’t mean that you stop thinking or feeling. It just means that you realize – and remember in your everyday life – that the thoughts and emotions are just things flowing through you.

 You are not them though.

You are the consciousness observing them.

 When you realize and remember this it enables you to control the thoughts and feelings instead of the other way around. It also enables you to not take your thoughts too seriously and actually laugh at them or ignore them when you feel that your ego is acting out. When you are not being so identified these things you become more inclined to include things, thoughts and people instead of excluding them. This creates a lot of inner and outer freedom and stillness. Instead of fear, a need to divide your world and a search for conflicts.

 To learn more about this I would recommend Eckhart Tolle’s books and signing up for the 10 free and excellent webcasts – available both in video and audio form – that he’s doing with Oprah right now.

 5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others.

 “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

 The ego wants to add because it thinks it’s not enough. One way of doing that is by craving validation from others. We want to feel smart, pretty, successful and so on. And the validation makes you feel good for a while. But soon you need a new fix.

 And the problem with being dependent on validation from other people is that you let other people control how you feel. This creates a rollercoaster of emotion in your life.

 To find more emotional stability and to take control of how you feel you need to get your validation from to a more consistent source. Yourself. You can replace the expectations and validation of others by setting your own expectations and by validating yourself.

And so you validate yourself by thinking about how awesome you are. You don’t sell yourself short. You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner validation.

Now, showing off. Why do we do that? To get validation from others. However, this need for validation often shines through and that is why a thing like bragging seldom works. Instead of seeing the cool and successful person you are trying to project people just see the insecure and needy person looking for validation. And your bragging falls flat.

6. Be proactive.

“To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

It’s easy to get locked into a reactive mindset. You just follow along with whatever is happening. You do what the people around you do. You react to whatever is going on.

And so you get lost in your circumstances. This way of thinking doesn’t feel too good. You tend to feel powerless and like you are just drifting along.

A more useful and pleasurable way of living is to be proactive. As Bruce says: to create opportunities despite the circumstances around you. This feels better and provides better results. But on the other hand it’s also more difficult. It’s easier to just drift along in the reactive stream of life. And if you want to be proactive then you may have to take the lead quite often. And that can be scary.

Still, living proactively is so much more rewarding and exciting.

7. Be you.

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”

Just being yourself is a hard thing to do. You may do it sometimes. And other times you may forget or fall back into old thought patterns. Or you may imitate someone else.

And that comes through too. And it may work.

But I believe that being the real you will work better. Because there the genuine you is shining through. Without incongruency, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness. It’s you to 100%. It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

So I’m not saying: “yeah man, you should just be yourself because it’s the right thing to do etc.” I’m saying that I think being your authentic self – the one where you do little dividing, the one that needs little validation from others, the one where your ego is not running the show and trying to get something from someone – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuine and people really like authenticity.

ANXIETY TO GRATITUDE!

We all have the time when we have suffered from tremendous anxiety in our life. It really doesn’t matter what it is that is causing the anxiety (my anxiety revolved around money, relationships etc. ) It is what you are capable of doing to change your way of thinking.

 I used to wake up in the morning and throughout the night with horrible anxiety until I made the change to shift my thinking by practicing a simple mental exercise.

1)    Reflect – Find what it is that is actually causing the anxiety, find the root of the issue

2)    Focus  - Make a list of what you have control over and what you do not. What things are you capable of doing something about and what things are you not?

3)    Shift –  Make the switch over in your thinking from “the problem” to “the solution” choose one small thing you can do at that moment or that day to move forward.  

4)    Re-focus- Choose positive things that are good in your life ( even if they are small)  and what you are grateful for and think about those.

It is so important to take the time to do this exercise, and even if you need to stop and repeat it a few times until you change your pattern of thinking that is OK.

Here are some examples that have helped me through the roughest battles:

Focus on strength not weakness. 

Focus on those that love you, not those who caused you damage. 

Focus on things that bring joy. 

Focus on your creator and those things that are awesome in this world. 

Visualize or go to a beautiful place. 

Eventually, I always come to the same conclusion, this too shall pass! Don’t give more strength to any situation than it has earned!

SPEND YOUR DAY “IN FAVOR”!

 Spend the whole day “in favor”  of YOU.  

I would like to encourage everyone to spend one whole day “in favor” of yourself, take the time to be kind to YOU. You are the most important influence over your day and you are in control of the influence others will have. Try the below quick tips today and see for yourself what a difference it makes!

 -Start today by spending every moment of the day saying positive things to YOURSELF about yourself.

 -Say nothing but positive things about yourself to OTHERS and find good things about others to focus on and let them know, even the “meanies”!  

 -Find the rose among the thorns with any bad situation. Walk into every experience expecting good things to happen. Know that people are saying good things about you and they know you are saying good things about them. 

 Spend the whole day with the attitude that you will have favor with everyone, every situation and with yourself.  If you run into challenging people who present you with unpleasant comments or situations remember the negativity of others is based on their own personal issues and is their problem.  DO NOT let them make their issues yours!

  Stay in favor one whole day and your day will change.  Stay “in favor” daily and you will change your life. It is as simple as one day at a time!

THE TCIM PERSONAL BUSINESS PLAN

Why is it that we make elaborate plans at work for our businesses and never do the same for ourselves or our families? 

There is an important element that many individuals miss in their personal life of not setting up a personal business plan. Yes, you read that right. You might be wondering what exactly is this? A personal Business plan, why waste my time?

Yet, the current reality is that we are so stressed about so many things – the economy, jobs, money, mortgages –taking the  time to build a personal plan sounds like a useless platitude. But, building a personal business plan will take your life to that next level you have been desiring. It will also organize it and help you reach those goals that you envision within the time frame YOU choose. Where do you start?  Start by making plans for yourself that detail out what your mission statement is, what your game plan looks like and what will be your success strategies.

-      Write a personal mission statement for 2010

-      Detail out your goals for 2010

-      Map out strategies to get you to your goals and detail these with check points to chart your success

-      Have a contingency plan. Write down your road blocks and how you plan to overcome them

-      Follow it!!

 By just doing what you have planned out, it will put you ahead of 90% of the rest!

REALISTIC GOALS! Avoid the “All or Nothing” mentality!

Many people go into an immediate “All or Nothing” mentality all too quickly when they begin to set goals. Often in the New Year, we enter into some strict  new diet or extreme exercise regime and sabotage ourselves before we even start.  We eat as much “bad food” as we can lay our hands on and treat all the junk as if it is our last meal. Instead, try to live normally before you begin your new regime and do not throw yourself into a “deprivation” mindset.  Start by knowing that you are making important lifestyle adjustments and set aside a day each week in your new lifestyle that you can have one thing you have missed out on.

 When you are ready to commit to your new goal be sure to make realistic changes by focusing on one thing and sticking to it. Write your goal down and share it with someone who cherishes you. Stay focused on your final goal by setting “mini-goals” for yourself. Pick one thing to focus on each day and journal your progress. When you accomplish your “mini-goals” daily write down your success and it will help you  feel empowered and able to know you are one step closer to your personal success. Do not set unrealistic goals. Choose things that will challenge but not overwhelm you.  Be reasonable and kind with yourself but pursue your personal best.

Attitude Determines Altitude – Fending off poor holiday habits

Most of the year we are able to fight unhealthy eating habits and cravings by fending them off as they occur. We are able to “think it over” as we run to the fridge or the food dispenser –and re-assess what our decisions will lead to. During the holidays our emotions are on overdrive and the over abundance of delicious holiday food quickly takes over, throwing us off track – fast. But before you feel like, “You just can’t win” it is important to identify the problem and plan your solution. 

 Availability 

Problem: 

Everywhere I go during the holidays there are plates and trays filled with candies or cookies or some other type of fabulous calorie-laden treat.  Worse yet, if I manage to get away from that…people send me treats!  The cravings come and the food is right there smothering our power of reason and self containment. 

Solution: 

It is the holidays, we are supposed to enjoy ourselves.  But like most everything else, reason should dictate where you draw the line.  That line is different for all of us but each one of us knows what it is! Simply, make a deal with yourself. If you eat well during the week that you will take one meal or even one day to try some of the holiday treats that you have been wanting to enjoy. I am not an advocate of deprivation, it never works.  I am a tremendous supporter of portion control. The word to remember is TRY, you might be surprised what you are capable of! 

 Emotions 

Problem: 

The holidays bring on a myriad of emotions all of which seem to prompt us to eat.  Personally, I am an emotional eater and I don’t crave healthy food. For some reason, we tend to feel entitled to eat, “It has been a bad day so I deserve it” or “I ate well yesterday so I can eat bad today” or my favorite “I’ll just have a bite”.  Whatever the reason, emotional eating will add the poundsduring the Holidays. 

Solution: 

Never, Never, NEVER allow a situation no matter how grim or frustrating to steal your joy! Life is full of stress and unfortunately it is at its peak during the holidays. Find an outlet to help you decompress, I love to exercise.  Find some alone time, even if it is just a few minutes. Gaining a little peace will allow you to look at any situation with a fresh perspective.  Stay in control of the one thing that you can, YOU! I also don’t believe that you have to be positive about everything. Be real, be yourself and stay focused on your personal choices.